I've had a run of experiences lately that have made me see how disconnected we've all become from each other. From the mundane to the egregious, it seems that as a group, we've stopped caring about each other and really don't seem to recognize the invisible thread that connects us all.
In the last six months we've been challenged by two moves. Now I know that all of you have moving horror stories; at the best of times moving is a stressful, heart rending experience. What really struck me this time was how many things went wrong; how many “balls were dropped” or jobs were left half done. These weren't bad people, these were people that didn't see any connection between what they did and how it affected the person on the other side.
I realize these are hardly earth shattering problems, but they illustrated something for me.
Two examples from today: first, it was my daughter's first birthday birthday party. I had ordered a cake from my local grocery store and called this morning to enquire if it was done so I could pick it up. The answer I received? “It should be.” “It should be?” I queried, thinking this was an inadequate response, and wondering how the person on the other end of the line would feel if the tables were turned. Politely, I asked her to check for me. Minutes passed, I was left on hold before having someone else from the wrong department pick up and cut me off. I called back, asked politely again, this time receiving the somewhat alarming response “what did it look like?” Eventually, after I imagined a child's birthday party sans cake, we got to the bottom of it. The cake was finished. Glory be. I thought to myself, if the person on the phone had thought for one second “What if it was my little girl's first birthday and I was running around doing last minute errands. Would I be stressed? Would I need to be reassured everything was OK?” I would hazard a guess that most, if not all people, given the opportunity to truly see their life in yours, would change their attitude immediately.
Second example, much more serious, but the same problem. We live close to a major thoroughfare and traffic zips by at a slightly alarming pace twenty-four hours a day. Tonight we heard a sickening crunch, then the blare of a horn that went on for an eerily long time. I knew right away an accident had happened and leapt up to see what had happened. A car had rear-ended another car and was fleeing the scene. The damage to the first car was extensive, EMS and fire trucks were dispatched to rescue the driver and clean up the mess. There were two things that were distressing about what we saw. Of course, a hit and run is troubling because we like to believe in the idea of law and order; that accidents happen and people need to held accountable. But what got me more riled up was seeing the way other motorists handled themselves in the face of this inconvenience. We watched cars circle around the fire crews, crossing into oncoming lanes, weaving between pedestrians trying to help and snarling traffic in the opposite direction. They were endangering fire crews, paramedics, pedestrians other drivers and themselves, but the overwhelming note seemed to be “I need to get where I am going.”
If we can, for one second, put ourselves in the place of another, our lives change immediately. If you imagined that it was your relative in the accident, or that your husband was working that night as a firefighter on the side of the road, you'd stop and think. You'd see that we all have connection.
Whether it's something as trivial as an indifferent or rude service person, BP oil's gushing underwater well, the G20 riot police, or corrupt bankers, the problem is the same. We don't seem to care about our fellow human or see any reason to reach out to them. Why is that? Is this a new phenomenon or is this something that humans have always struggled with? Am I just getting old and grouchy?
We all want to love and be loved, live our lives as healthy as we can be, have a roof over our heads and meaningful work, or at least gainful employment. We all want this, but many of us don't have this. Perhaps if this were clear in everyone's heart and mind, those desires would become a reality for all. We are more alike than we are unalike.
We are all connected.
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